I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
