At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
