the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
