i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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