just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
