i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
