Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize