I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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