Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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