we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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