You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?