someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize