The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.