after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.