It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
19 People Confess The Craziest Sex Act They’ve Ever Participated In
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...