nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
