8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
