3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
