Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
