i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It's never too late to be topless.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
