She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
