I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
