oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
