And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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