Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
