1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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