So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
