I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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