my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
