i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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