This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
