She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
