Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
