he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
