i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
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