Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
