I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
