I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
