Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
