Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Is that strawberry winking at me??
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
