So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
