how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Im part way to drunk.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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