So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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