i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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