You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
