The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
