i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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