what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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