dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
