Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
