I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
