I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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