My room smells like vodka and shame
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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