oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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