she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
