I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Randomize
