just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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