guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
