My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
my being single is dangerous.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Randomize
