So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
