There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize