oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
