I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
