Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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