I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
