She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
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