so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
