I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
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