i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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