i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
