youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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