Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
