My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
