I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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