I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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