i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
