my text book just quoted the cookie monster
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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