I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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