It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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